Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
