jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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