I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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