my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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