Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
