he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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