toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
