she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
