i barfeds in our rink
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
