hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
