I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
