Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize