yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
