You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
