he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
