The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
