But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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