She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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