I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
