Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dick has a subreddit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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