So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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