Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
