hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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