I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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