we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's like iHOP with fire
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
