Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My ass is underappreciated
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
