Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
