Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
