Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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