No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
