this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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