1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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