So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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