I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Acid is not a monday night drug
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
