I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
