hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
