It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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