Soap is not a condiment
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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