Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
