He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize