Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
