Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize