I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
