we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
