Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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