Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize