I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
