Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
