Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize