I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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