i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize