Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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