why didn't you poke me back
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize