I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
