the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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