can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize