i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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