My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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