remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
