Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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