I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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