Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
