we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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