don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
