I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize