Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
